Little Red Riding Ike
by Killer Teddy 101
Summary: Who's afraid of the Big Perverted Wolf?  Kenny/Ike, implied Style, Second Chapter is Buttman.
1. Chapter 1

**Babble: My Promised Kenny/Ike Fairy tale one shot! Little Red Riding Hood is by far my favorite fairy tale and seeing as one of it's original intentions was to warn young women of the dangers of men and random sexual encounters I had to have perverted Kenny be a Big Bad Wolf.  
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><p>Ike stared with wide eyes at the four men in the living room. Two of them he saw everyday. His older brother Kyle, and Kyle's lover Stan. Both worked as woodcutters in the Blackwood Forest and Ike envied them for they got to see the world. Ike wasn't even allowed into town, his brother thought he would trip and scrape his knee or get teased by fairies and elves. He was allowed to visit the neighbors but that wasn't much fun for the children were not his age<strong>. <strong>Goldilocks was a lot younger and Jack was much older and neither would bother with him. Hansel and Gretel would visit sometimes but that was only because they like Ike's cooking.

Ike watched for a few more minutes as Stan and Kyle laughed with the two strange men. Kyle saw him standing in the doorway and waved him over to where he was sitting.  
>"Come meet our friend...and fatass."<br>"Go to hell!"  
>Ike nodded and walked over getting a better look at the two new men. One was fat with brown hair and huge feet and the other was tall and blond with gray ears and a tail. The fat one spoke first.<br>"I'm Rumplecartman. Don't wear my name out."  
>The other one grinned at Ike before pulling him down into his lap.<br>"Aww, Kyle, You never told me that your little brother was such a cutie. I just wanna eat him!"  
>Ike felt his ears turn red with embarrassment and anger and he pulled his hood of the same color up to hide them. Kyle smacked the wolf with the flat side of the axe.<br>"Don't even think about it Kenny!"  
>Kenny pouted and rubbed his sore head<p>

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><p>Ike rarely saw Kenny after that. Kyle had thrown him out of the house when he kept groping Ike and only let him come around when Ike was asleep and kept a close eye on the wolf to make sure he didn't enter the young boy's room.<br>One day when Kyle and Stan were deep in the forest working Kenny came around while Ike was outside sitting in the flowers reading a book.  
>The wolf stepped from the shadows carrying a handful of wild flowers.<strong><br>**"c'Mere my Little Red Cutie I picked such pretty flowers for you~"  
>The wolf left with a bump the size of an apple and an angry Ike barricaded inside his house.<p>

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><p>Kyle and Stan were speaking with their heads bent low so as to not alert Ike. Kenny had been popping up more often to bug Ike after the incident where he brought flowers.<br>"He's getting more persistent. Maybe we should just let him..."  
>"No! I am not handing my brother over to that perverted wolf!"<br>"Kyle. Kenny told me that Ike is his mate. You know how werewolves are with that stuff."  
>"Well Kenny is mistaken. There is no way that my brother is his destined mate."<br>"Kyle, you know that we can not win this. Kenny won't stop until he gets Ike."  
>Kyle pursed his lips trying to look angry but looked more sulky.<br>"Ike's too young."  
>"He's fifteen. "<br>"...Your sleeping on the couch tonight."  
>And that was how Stan knew he made a completely valid argument.<p>

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><p>Kenny snuck around the outside the house. He had the perfect plan to make Ike <em>his<em> and Stan being banished to the couch just made it even easier. He cracked the window open to one of the bedrooms and left.

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><p>The next morning Kyle woke up with a bad head cold. He glanced at the window and saw that it was cracked open. He grumbled and stood to close it stumbling a bit on the way. He knew he couldn't go to work in his condition.<br>"Stan!" he called. Ike popped his head in the room.  
>"He already left."<br>"What! That jerk left without me!" Ike rolled his eyes.  
>"He came in to wake you up, but said your forehead was really warm and to let you sleep."<br>"Oh." Kyle instantly calmed down. That was...kind of sweet.  
>"Did he forget anything?" Kyle asked. Stan was always forgetting to grab something unless he was there to remind him. Ike ducked out of the doorway and came back in a few minutes later holding a satchel.<br>"He forgot his lunch."  
>Kyle bit his lip deciding what to do. He couldn't let Stan go without, but he wasn't in any condition to walk all the way to the house where the Woodcutter's took their breaks...<br>"I can take it!" Ike said excitedly eager to finally be able to go into the forest for once.  
>"Ike..."<br>"C'mon! I've never been! One day your gonna have to let me go! I'm fifteen!"  
>"Fine."<br>"Really?"  
>"Yes. But you have to promise me that you'll stay on the path, go straight there and come straight back, and don't talk to strangers!"<br>Ike hugged his big brother around his neck.  
>"I promise! Thank you so much!"<br>Kyle sighed as Ike put on his blood red cloak. He had a really bad feeling about this.

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><p>Kenny was waiting for Ike as he neared the fork in the road.<br>"Aww don't you look cute in your little red hood."  
>Ike glared.<br>"Sorry I'm not supposed to talk to strangers."  
>"I'm hurt. You know me and your family knows me."<br>"...whatever."  
>Kenny knew he had won the argument.<br>"Anyway I was just gonna tell you that your supposed to go left at the fork in the path. Much faster."  
>Ike didn't say anything but grudgingly took the advice anyway. After a few minutes Kenny took the actual shortcut and soon arrived at the cabin where Ike was going.<br>He went inside and Stan looked up at him surprised.  
>"Oh. Hey, Ken." Kenny grimaced.<br>"Sorry 'bout this buddy."  
>Before Stan could question him Kenny knocked him out and put on Stan's work clothes. He tucked his tail in the pants and pulled the cap low to hide his ears and blond hair. Good thing he was around the same size as Stan.<br>Kenny hid Stan's body in a closet and sat in a chair facing away from the door. After a few minutes Ike walked in muttering something about a stupid lying werewolf.  
>"Hey Stan." Kenny nodded.<br>"Are you okay? You usually are really talkative."  
>Kenny shook his head and grabbed his stomach as if it was hurting him. Ike walked over to the man.<br>"Maybe you caught whatever Kyle has." He said putting his hand against the man's forehead to check his temperature. Kenny grabbed the red-hooded boy and wrapped his arms around him.  
>"Stan! What are you doing?"<br>The hat fell off of Kenny's head exposing his ears. Ike started struggling more.  
>"Get off me!"<br>Kenny ignored him and pinned down the boys struggling arms.  
>"What are you doing? Help! Someone!"<br>Kenny stilled Ike's struggles a bit before biting his neck harshly.  
>"What are you doing? Ow! Stop it! It hurts! Stop!"<br>Kenny withdrew smirking at the boys neck. Already in between his teeth marks was the symbol of someone that was bonded, a paw print the color of their wolves fur. This one was the exact same shade of gray Kenny's ears were.  
>Ike was crying in Kenny's lap. Kenny rubbed his back in a soothing manner.<br>"Hey, it's alright. You'll never have to deal with that again. I'll protect you."  
>"Where's Stan? I wanna go home!"<br>"Stan's fine. C'mon I'll take you home."  
>"No."<br>Kenny sighed.  
>"I guess you don't know what <em>this <em>means do you?" He said rubbing the bite on Ike's neck. The raven haired boy's eyes widened in fear.  
>"I'm...not a werewolf am I?"<br>"No. Your bonded to me. We're mates."  
>"Why didn't I get any say in this?"<br>"Ike, if we weren't meant to be then this mark," He pointed to the paw print, "Wouldn't have appeared. It would just leave a nasty bruise."  
>"What mark?" Ike asked feeling his neck. He couldn't feel anything besides Kenny's teeth marks. Kenny smiled.<br>"Why don't you look in the mirror my little red cutie?"  
>Ike crossed to the mirror and gasped. Staring back at him was a gray paw print. Ike was silent for a few minutes letting everything sink in.<br>"You..." He said turning around to glare at Kenny, " Are going to court me like a proper gentlemen. Just because we're soul mates or whatever doesn't mean I'm going to have sex with you on the first date."  
>Kenny nodded.<br>"And your going to be the one explaining to my big brother why I have this mark on my neck."

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><p><strong>I can imagine that going over sooooo well. And don't worry Kenny remembers that Stan is in the closet in his underwear eventually.<br>**

**I loved writing this so much,I hope you enjoyed reading it. Review and you get cyber cookies! (I make them from scratch from the best ingredients on the web)**


	2. RumpleCartman

**Babble: Umm. Wow. This thing was due ages ago but I'm just now getting to it. Sorry guys school has _really_ got me down lately and last week I messed with a spider bite and now I have a Staph infection and anti-biotics make me feel sick. I Shall be finishing up this story, but not the way I originally planned. This will be the last chapter, I might put a few more chapters later but don't hold your breath.**

Now for that ButtMan story featuring RumpleCartman!

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><p>Cartman huffed as he walked along a forest path. He had just been hanging out with his 'friends' Kyle and Stan. He left because when Kyle went to check on his baby brother he saw that perverted wolf had come in through the window. Needless to say the Jew pitched a bitch fit, and Cartman really didn't want to have to listen to it. So he walked out as soon as the yelling started.<p>

And now he was bored.

It wasn't like there was much to do around here, and Cartman wasn't in the mood to go home so he was kind of screwed. He wandered around for awhile not going any particular direction when he saw something out of the corner of his eyes. There was a tiny blond boy sitting in a clearing trying to squeeze the life out of some coal.

"Uh, kid?" RumpleCartman said making the blond jump and let out a girlish squeak, "What the hell are you trying to do?"

"S-Sorry. I'm not sup-supposed to talk to st-strangers..."

RumpleCartman rolled his eyes.

"Just tell me kid so I won't have to beat it out of you."

"Oh Hamburgers! Pl-please don't, I'm really, really sorry-"

"Just calm the fuck down and tell me already."

This kid was starting to piss him off. Sure he was cute but he was really jumpy, and were those tears in his eyes?

"My dad said if I can turn all this coal into diamonds he wouldn't make me marry this perverted king who offered him a lot of money," More tears flooded the blond's eyes, "But I don't know how to do it."

Cartman sighed. This was starting to give him a head ache. "I'll help you. But you have to do something for me."  
>"R-really? You'll help me?" Butters smiled and Cartman had to force his heart not to melt at the sight. Cartman went about turning the coal into diamonds while the blond watched in awe. When Cartman was done he asked, "So what's your name?"<p>

"Butters. Why?"

"Just wanted to know the name of my wife-to-be."

"Wh-what? What are you t-talking about?"

"What, you didn't think I was going to do all that work for nothing did you?"

"W-well..."

"Because you see Butters that wouldn't be fair to me."

"B-but..."

"So naturally it's to be expected that you would repay me in some way right?"

"Yes, but-"

"And since your not a girl I can't take your first born so..."

"But I'm-"

"How about this: If you guess my first name in three tries I'll let you go."

"But I don't-

"That seems fair to me."

"Is it, Umm Rumpelstiltskin?"

"Fuck no! I am nothing like that ass wipe!"

"Johnny?"

"Do I look like a fucking 'Johnny' to you?"

"Theodore?"

"That's my _middle _name."

"Can't that count?"

"No. I said _first_ name."

"So, I really am going to be your wife?"

"Yes. And my first name is Eric by the way. Remember it because your going to be screaming it later." 

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><p><strong>Babble: Sorry it was so short. It was supposed to be longer but I decided that I was too lazy for that.<strong>


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